thoughts!

When thinking about each and every single one of my 292 days here in Norway I can honestly and truly say that the swiftness of time is too realistic to be fair and too unrealistic to be prevented. Within these 292 days I've been here up to this very minute, I've experienced something that nobody in the world could have ever experienced. It's been MY very own adventure.

My days here in Norway continue to grow in numbers from 292 to 293, 294 eventually to 316, drowning out all the time I have left to truly soak up the experience. It's scary. & I'm pannicked beyond measure. All the fears I had about leaving home are coming back to me as once again, I am preparing to leave my current home to a place that, in the beginning, will feel foreign and awkward. It's unfair. I've FINALLY made it here. My friends are not only my friends, they've become some of the most best friends I have, my host sister isn't only my "host" sister but my real sister, & I'm not only "visiting" Norway, I LIVE in Norway. I'm not completely sure how I'll be able to leave everything behind, because it's not like my return here is already decided. It's not like I'm saying "Hey guys, it's only a year. I'll be back soon." Because if you think about it, this is my second life. I have a "REAL" life back in the States & it's frightening beyond measure to think about losing what I have here. I can't tell you how badly I DON'T want to be forgotten about here, because I always want to be a part of Førde SOMEHOW. I know how dramatic I sound, right now, but it's hard thinking about leaving something behind that has, in fact, taken a permanent place in your heart.

It hasn't hit me yet. Right now, I've made myself believe that I'll be here forever. And although I do have time left and it's not time to say goodbye yet, it will make it all the more difficult to leave if I don't begin thinking about it and maybe write down exactly what I'm thinking.

I'm in a weird place right now, emotionally. The pit in my stomache is constantly reminding me of the lack of time I have here to fullfill my experience, while the butterflys periodically come out reminding me of the shortage of time until I'm "home" again with my friends and family. It's confusing and I'm not sure how to handle it. 22 days left. That's it.